Love

There's so much I've wanted to post lately but just can't seem to find the time to record everything Isla is doing. Last week I ended up having to take it easy to keep my blood pressure in check. And then Isla and I were snowed in for 3 days. Still no posts.

But this post is a must-do!

I tried to post this from the hospital on 12/12 but apparently the wi fi connection wasn't good enough! 

And more pictures...

That's Uncle T's thumb. And Isla's first chemistry set. And Pop Pop, and Uncle Todd (he says Sierra likes Irish Revolutionary songs and show tunes), and Aunt Tammy. But not in that order.

Lots to update...

So I've started posts several times in the past two months to update what's been going on with life--my thoughts on the adoption not happening, how the pregnancy was progressing (everything was normal except she stayed tranverse until close to the end, then turned breech for a c-section), and how Isla was preparing to be a big sister. 

Guess I'm not going to get those posts written. I think the pics sum it up though--Sierra Rose joined us at 11:14 pm on December 11. She was 7 pounds and 19 inches. 

My water broke that afternoon in the car, P was in surgery, I had to call mom to stay with Isla, then we waited for about 3 hours at the hospital to get an ultrasound.  They got her out of there fast though once we found out I wasn't going to be able to push her.  Dr S isn't a surgeon but the OB on call was who I would have picked to do the surgery if I'd had a choice and Dr S was there to assist her. The nerve block was weird but I didn't feel anything other than movement. Patrick said Dr C had difficulty finding Sierra in there. 

Recovery has been easier than I expected--not driving for 2 weeks was hard (I made it about 10 days), not lifting Isla is still hard, and I know I lift too much carrying the baby, her carrier, and the diaper bag. There are a couple organizing projects I was to do while I'm off work but they have to wait until P won't get on to me for lifting things. 

Breast feeding hasn't gone any better this time than the first other than I decided I wasn't going to stress about it so when she lost more weight than they like, her bilirubin was going up, and she hadn't had a pee diaper all day the day we got home from the hospital, I told P I just wanted her to have a full belly. She drinks formula like a piggy and gets some pumped breast milk each day. Apparently actual breast feeding isn't a warm and fuzzy activity for me. This time I can say that's ok and move on.

There's lots more I want to write so I have it in the future--she was 4 ounces and an inch and a quarter over birth at her 2 week check up!--but my yogurt has been sitting here next to me for almost 2 hours so it's time for breakfast. 

But first, I have to share what Isla said yesterday as we sat on her bed. I was giving Sierra a bottle and Isla had climbed on me, hugging me, looking at her baby sister. "Momma, we have a great fam-il-ly."  Yes, indeed baby girl. We do. 

Happy Halloween!!

Long time, no pictures even...

Disappointment....

We found out this week that S has decided to try to parent. I have a lot of mixed feelings about this--disappointment, relief, worry.... But I trust that God is in control and knows what is best for our family. At this point S could change her mind still, but I don't expect her too. I pray she can find the resources to take care of that little boy and that her domestic situation improves. So now I focus on the two little feet that are kicking me constantly. Our sweet little family of four with two precious little girls.

I like to move it, move it!

Sierra must have had a major growth spurt or something. For the past few days I've suddenly felt a drastic increase in movements! Mainly just pressing against me, but some other movements too!

What a summer!

Mine and Isla's summer hasn't gone quite as planned. I spent a lot of the early summer with pretty bad morning sickness. It is definitely better than it was--I'll sometimes have 4 or 5 days where I don't get sick, but then I'll go back to being sick every day for a week or so. But at least it's not ALL day anymore. I'm not sleeping as much as I was early in the summer either, but I still need to lay down to rest most afternoons. And then there's the weather--we have had a fairly mild summer temperature-wise (thank you God!!) and quite a bit of rain this summer. So out of 4 planned water park visits, we went to one, one got rained out, one was too cool, and we missed one cause momma was sick. We'll see how our planned outing Tuesday goes--the high is only supposed to be 82 and there's a chance of rain.

Otherwise, life is flying by. Baby boy is due next month--we've met the birthparents and they both seem very nice. I pray for their strength as they face this difficult time. The plan as of now is when she goes into labor, we'll head to Florida. We'll go to the hospital when the baby is 48 hours old and S can sign the paperwork. We'll drive back to the Northwestern part of the state to wait for clearance to leave with the baby. P will probably fly home and my mom will probably fly down to help me wait for clearance and drive home with me, Isla, and baby Derrick. S's due date is at the end of the month, but I'm hoping this will be a mid-month baby.

Meanwhile, my pregnancy is flying by this time. I'm 21 weeks with another little girl. Sierra Rose has been nicknamed Cereal by her big sister. We figure Isla can call her Cereal until Cereal gets tired of it and beats her up. Then they can work it out amongst themselves. My official due date is 12/21, but again, I'm hoping for a mid-month baby. Isla was 15 or 16 days early so I know if I go past that, my patience will wear thin!

More later--

Things I never expected to say....Tuesday edition

Stop licking momma's tummy!

No, you may not sleep with your shark. 

Seriously?

I'm 18 weeks today and I'm having morning sickness? I've felt pretty good for the past 10 days but there's been the mild nausea today and I just got sick. I'm glad everything is going well but enough with the puking! 

Happy 4th

Pictures

Sigh

I so need to update. But morning sickness and first trimester fatigue has been really hard on me. Then to top that off, Isla had a tummy bug last week and I got it this week. Still not 100 percent of even my pregnant self, but feeling loads better than I was. We were afraid I was going to have to go in my IV fluids.

Saturday marks the start of my second trimester so hopefully I'll start feeling better soon!

9 weeks....ETA Christmas Day!

Okay, so Isla was 2 weeks early so I know I'll expect this one early too, but I'm measuring on track for a Christmas baby. I can't seem to post the ultrasound footage but she quickly found the baby and a HR of 178!
And in 2 weeks we'll get to find out the gender of the baby we're supposed to adopt!

Coming soon....

Cousins

Toy Story 3

Perhaps we watch this movie a bit too frequently. Isla now calls her piggy bank "Doctor Porkchop."

On the way home last night....

Isla: Momma, you're yucky.
Me: I'm yucky?
Isla: YUC-ky!
Me: I'm lucky?
Isla: Yes. That's what I said.
Me: I know I'm lucky, but why do you think I'm lucky?
Isla: Cause I love you.

All by herself!

Tidbits

Isla has been saying "oh my cracked butt" when she falls on her behind. It's hard not to laugh, but then she feeds on the laughter and keeps saying "my cracked butt."

We've been working on math skills and she really seems to get the concepts. Yesterday I told her I'd blow bubbles 5 times. I counted 1-2-3 as I blew, but then I stopped counting. I looked over at her and she had one hand out and she was pointing at her fingers. I could see the little wheels in her head turning and then she said "momma, you need to blow 2 more times."

"Yucky Charms" are a breakfast favorite.

It's been absolutely gorgeous outside the past few days. Yesterday Isla helped me plant some grass seed and kept asking about planting flowers. We didn't have any to plant but P and I had gotten the garden tilled so we planted some onions, chives, and herbs. Today I planted tomato plants, banana peppers, kale, and broccoli. Isla loves watering so hopefully we'll have a great garden this year!

Speaking of banana peppers, Isla loves going to Subway. She wants "yellow things, green things, black things, and purple things" on her sandwich (banana peppers, pickles, olives, and red onions).

Saturday when it was so nice out, I stopped at the park after dropping Isla at Grandma's house. I had planned on walking around the lake a few times and using the time to have a nice long chat with God but as I got closer I thought I'd just listen to some music instead. I started walking, put in my headphones and pulled my phone out of my pocket. Somehow in taking it out of my pocket and plugging in the ear buds, I'd managed to start playing music. The song when I put my ear buds in? Down to the River to Pray. I looked up, "it's a lake God, not a river. But I get the point." So I walked and talked. Then I put on some praise music and walked a little more. Some times He's subtle, some times He's not.

Do most three year olds know (and use) the words emergency, masquerade, and dangerous?

A mix of Easter related pics!

Easter Bunny

Playdoh afternoon

The playdoh mess was well worth it yesterday afternoon when Isla spontaneously threw her arms around my neck and said "I love you mommy. This is the BEST!"

Math time!

Night before last Isla asked for me to cuddle awhile before she went to sleep so I told her we could sing two songs. As I finished the second song, she says "if you sing ONE more, that would be THREE." So I sang another song. When I finished it, she says "if you sing TWO more songs, that would be FIVE songs."

Scary smart. 😃

Heart melt...

Isla put her toy stethoscope up to my mom's chest today and said "bump, bump...bump, bump. Jesus IS in there!"

Beautiful day, beautiful girl....

Adoption....

I haven’t written much about our quest to adopt a baby. I’m not sure why—I think maybe because it’s such an ongoing exercise in faith for me that I have to keep processing and reprocessing things in my head and in my heart. And I keep realizing different ways that God’s guiding this journey so it doesn’t feel like I know everything that has happened yet. But I read something last night that made me want to find the time and sit down and write the story thus far. SO here’s the story…

I always knew that if I ever had one child, I wanted two. Even during the times I thought I didn’t want to have children, I knew if there was one, there would be two. Then I wanted kids. And I wanted two. And Patrick and I talked about having two.

After our first miscarriage, I was walking around the lake in the county park. Walking and talking to God. Now as I read The Circle Maker I realize that that was my first prayer circle. I walked around the lake several times that day. Walking and praying. I left the park with the clear understanding that God would give us a baby. And it would happen soon.

I was elated and confident when I got pregnant again the next month. When that pregnancy also ended in miscarriage, it really shook my faith. God said soon. But what’s soon? By the time a year had passed, I’d had four miscarriages and no medical test could explain them.

I knew five was my limit but we both felt we would have a baby. I circled the lake praying in April 2008. In May 2009, we conceived Isla. I told God that if He would give us this baby I wouldn’t be greedy and ask for another.

As soon as Isla was born, Patrick went into only child mode and I tried to come to terms with raising an only child. It felt like Patrick’s desire for Isla to be an only child was stronger than my desire for two children so I tried to be okay with one. But I love my family and I’d already seen how a child makes love grow and I wanted to share that with another child.

Before Isla turned two, Patrick changed his mind about a second baby. I think he had to have that time to heal from all the losses prior to Isla. I was seeing signs everywhere about adoption and wondered if we were to go in that direction. But the pregnancy with Isla had gone so well we set aside our fears and decided to try for another biological child. After several months of negative pregnancy tests, we decided we'd try for three more months—if we hadn't conceived in three months, then we’d talk more about adoption. The third month, I was pregnant and felt totally calm about it. I didn’t even call the doctor’s office for a week after I got the positive test. I knew everything was going to be fine—that even if I miscarried, I had Patrick and Isla and I knew God would take care of us.

That first blood test was too low—I'm a veteran of hcg tests and knew the levels should have been higher a week after a positive home test. Over the next couple weeks, my lab work started suggesting the possibility of an ectopic pregnancy. That’s when I started worrying and freaking out instead of remembering that God would take care of us. I knew I never wanted to try to get pregnant again. Five miscarriages was truly all I could endure.

The day that we found out that pregnancy wasn’t going to be successful, Patrick came home with the name of the adoption agency one of his coworkers used. He started seeing signs pointing him to adoption everywhere he looked—a display at the movie theater, conversations with friends, storylines on television…. We went to an information session at a local adoption agency. Over Labor Day weekend 2012 we completed our paperwork to start on a home study to move forward on our journey.

Since we started this journey, I’ve started realizing how adoption redeems our past. If we hadn’t had the losses before Isla, we’d keep trying for another biological child. But if God hadn’t blessed us with Isla, it’s doubtful we would have pursued adoption as a way to start our family.

It took three months to complete our home study. My feelings about adoption kept growing stronger as I talked with others who had travelled this path. November is Adoption Awareness Month and our church actively supports adoption. This year they invited families with adopted children to come on stage--the stage was full. My heart almost burst with the possibility that we could be onstage with a baby next year.

The week after Adoption Sunday at church we had the final interview of our home study. The social worker asked tough "how will you handle" situational questions. When I got home I seriously questioned what we were doing. Can I handle this? What would I do if someone made rude comments to us in the grocery store? Should we be more restrictive about the type of background from which we can accept a child?

When we got to church Sunday, Pastor Ron wasn't there--he had to unexpectedly leave town after Saturday night's service. Brett was filling in.

Brett said he was using Ron's notes, but the sermon was obviously his. I'm sorry to say I don't remember what scriptures were the basis for the message but there were two things Brett said that I will never forget. First, when God calls us to do something, He's not concerned about our comfort. Then he told us about one of the college kids he knows. This student's family was in the process of adopting another special needs child and someone asked him if that wasn't hard on him and the rest of the family that his parents were adopting again. He told them “yes it is, but it's not about us.”

Sometimes God is subtle; sometimes He’s not.

There have been several times since then that I've prayed and had answers quite clearly presented to me. We decided to use the agency that Patrick's coworker used but once we started working with them, I didn't get a great feeling. After praying about it, I found an agency in Florida that felt right. It feels like a ministry instead of a business. As I prayed for guidance in choosing between the two, a negative interaction with the first agency would be immediately followed by a positive with the second. We withdrew from the first agency and signed paperwork for the second.


We don't have a baby in our arms yet. That's okay. I know God has a baby for us and has set everything in motion for us. For the most part, I remember that as we wait. Occasionally I get a bit impatient--then I go to church and my concerns are addressed in that week’s sermon. I’ve worried about whether it's pestering God to pray for something you know He is handling--that weekend our service was about persistence in prayer. As I started reading The Circle Maker I realized it's time for me to praise Him for our adoption, not just pray about it. He put the desire in our heart. We are following His guidance. We have taken the steps we need to take to make things happen. He has hand-picked the child we will be blessed with. He has the time frame determined. I must circle the matter with my prayers for the expectant mother, prayers for workers at the adoption agency, prayers for all the other parents waiting for their babies, and praise for God for setting it all in motion. Now is the time to wait, and pray, and praise.

Interestingly, a friend of mine who rarely remembers dreaming, keeps having dreams of us with little girls. But the neighbor who gave me The Circle Maker says her prayer circles around us always include a little boy. She says he’s there without her even thinking about it.

I can’t wait to tell you who is right. Meanwhile, I’m learning a lot about God while we wait.

Chief Jesus

This statue sits by a building at a major intersection in the next town over. Driving through town one day, Isla started talking about Jesus. I didn't think much about it--we talk about Jesus a lot. The next week we're driving through town again and she starts talking about Jesus and asking where he is. We stop at the intersection--"there he is!" and points to the Indian.

I told M about this---her Ivy thought the same thing when she was younger!

Um...

What happened to my paragraph spacing??? Ugh.

Hello again....

Wow--long time no post. I'm not sure what happened there. I'm not sure where time is going at all these days. Here are some tidbits.... We are very much in the middle of the "Trying Threes" but I think we're learning how to cope. The best way to deal with getting things done with the girl these days is letting her choose. Cause, you know, Mom (yes Mom, sometimes still Momma or Mommy, but frequently Mom) couldn't possibly pick out something as important as what socks to wear on her own. So she gets a choice in EVERY aspect of getting ready. I have to think ahead to give her the option of doing something now or in 5 minutes (she's big on "5 minutes" these days). This morning she was determined she was going to stay home by herself--she's still not a fan of her new classroom at school. She has fun once she gets there but she misses her friends in her 2 year old room. Every tank top is a "swim soup." I can't get over how she's memorizing so many songs and books these days. I can read Cat in the Hat and stop and she'll keep reciting the story (word for word) for 6 pages! And it doesn't take long for her to start remembering stories either--by the third time we read a book, we can leave out words and she'll fill them in or we can have her "read" it to us and she'll tell us the story. She's still a big fan of TV but she's showing more interest in other things and just as likely to want to read or play in her room instead of watching TV. But Doc McStuffins, Blues Clues, and Team Umizoomie are favorites. She's also interested in movies these days--the Toy Story movies and Tangled are favorites. I'm not sure if we're officially potty trained or not. I don't know what counts as trained--she's been going to school in big girl panties for awhile (or big boy panties if we're having a Diego or Toy Story day!)and has only had 1 accident there. She just goes when the other kids go and it's no big deal. At home, we have more issues and more accidents so we'll wear a pull-up when we go out sometimes still. Naps aren't a problem and she'll wake up dry a lot of mornings too. Last week Isla said she wants a baby. We're working on that. We found an adoption agency that I feel very comfortable with so we registered with them and we're waiting for them to have an expectant momma to match us with. This agency feels so much more comfortable than the other one we'd signed up with, and we'll be able to complete an adoption with little to no debt. Hopefully it will happen sometime this year. I feel perfectly calm and fine about things for a few weeks, then I start getting nervous that we've made wrong choices with things, worried that it's going to take a long time, etc for a few days. Overall, I know God is in charge of this journey--we can't do anything but wait and pray at this point and in His time, when He is ready, He will bring us the baby we're supposed to have. M has had dreams twice seeing me with Isla and a little blonde haired girl. I see us with a biracial or Hispanic little boy. Only He knows what the future holds. That's what's going on these days. Isla took Daddy to a dance last weekend--I'm not sure who was more excited--here are pictures.