Baby bulimia

I know there are many things in the world that are troublesome: drugs, alcohol, abuse… And I know there will be challenges ahead with raising Miss Isla. I don't know when I have to stop listening to Kid Rock when she's in the car or when Patrick has to stop watching violent movies if she's next to him in her bouncy but we plan to do our best to shield her from social pressures, raise her to be actively involved in church, and encourage her to discuss things with us as they come up. I thought we had some time to enjoy her childhood before worrying about the societal pressures children face. I was wrong.

Baby bulimia. A new social epidemic.

After a day of fairly hearty eating with MiMi, I came home to happy baby. We played last night, we took a bath, we went to bed and slept 6 hours before we woke up. It was joyous. I was tired but I felt like I can do this working mommy thing.

But an evil was lurking in our midst. Apparently Miss Isla felt like yesterday's food intake was at binge levels. This morning she was playing in my arms, cooing, smiling, and sucking her fingers. I'd take her fingers out and stick her pacifier in--I'd rather she take the paci than the fingers because it will be easier to take away from her when the time comes. We're just sitting there, loving each other, enjoying each other. Then she decided to purge. As she sucked on those long fingers she got from mommy, she quickly slipped them further in her mouth and suddenly I saw the gag reflex kick in. Up came a little bit of the bottle she'd just taken. Then more. Lots more. She purged all of breakfast. Luckily mommy got pretty good at liquid containment when Isla was having so much reflux. It was all over mommy and baby, but just a drop got anywhere else.

This was different than the reflux--that never bothered her. This came from somewhere else and it scared her. She started to cry. Mommy cuddled her a few minutes to help calm her down, then MiMi took her to change Isla's clothes as mommy went and changed hers. Usually laying her on her changing table is a calming mechanism for her, but she fussed a few more minutes as MiMi cleaned up breakfast. We both got changed and mommy had a few more minutes to love on her before she had to leave for work. Happy baby was back by the time I left. Hopefully she'll binge on the bottle again today but we'll be able to stave off the purging tomorrow.

Sigh.

Almost 2 weeks have passed since my last update. We're still struggling with eating. Yesterday we switched to Nutramigen, a hypoallergenic formula that should digest more easily. I pray that it helps our little girl find an appetite. So far she's eaten a little more in the past 24 hours since we switched than she had been but she's just eating an ounce or 2 here and there. Her sleep cycle is messed up though--we got back from vacation yesterday morning, she slept all afternoon, then went to bed at 6:30. Needless to say, her new habit of getting up only once a night, inhaling a bottle, and going back to sleep didn't happen last night. Hopefully after a good nap (she's asleep now, finally!) she'll be good and hungry.

Tomorrow we go back to see the SLP about sucking. She's made a lot of improvement in this area in the past 3 weeks. She can down a 4 ounce bottle in 10-15 minutes in the middle of the night and (most of the time) is doing better with her other bottles also. Unfortunately she's developed a habit of drinking 2 ounces then screaming at us. That's part of the reason we switched to the special formula--maybe the other formula isn't digesting well. We'll give this one 2 weeks and if she doesn't do better with it than the last one, we'll switch back because this one is really expensive. We also go back to the doctor tomorrow for a weight check. She's gained some since last time but not as much as we would have hoped, especially since we were mixing her formula to a higher calorie recipe. Mommy may ask about some happy pills too. I'm much less stressed than I was when I was pumping but I'm still having a lot of emotional lability. I hate the idea of taking anything though--those meds frequently have appetite side effects that I don't need--Isla needs an increased appetite, I don't!

Tuesday I have to go back to work. I really have mixed feelings about this. I'm so grateful I had 12 weeks to stay home and I really don't think I could be a stay at home mommy all the time but it seems like I'm just starting to get to know her. I'm sure I'll come home at lunch on Tuesday. I'm going to TRY to go to the gym after work and then I'll come home and spend all evening with my little girl. Another problem with going back to work is that I get bored there which makes the days drag by and will just remind me how much I miss Isla. Gotta talk to the powers that be about finding something to occupy my time more.

Two more weeks...

I can't believe my maternity leave will be over in 2 weeks. Since we'll be out of town most of that time it seems like its ending even sooner. Today was my last Tuesday home with my baby. Tomorrow will seem like my like day at home (although I will have a Monday after we get back before I go back to work). Last week I was ready to go back, but now, not so much. But I'm so thankful that I was able to take off 12 weeks to get to know my little girl. I'm also thankful that the option to stay home is out there--it would certainly mean making changes but it is an option. At this point its not an option I want to pursue--I need some more structure and socialization in my life than I've had the past few months.

Its amazing how much love that little girl inspires. I can't believe how blessed we are. Praise God!

Relaxed....

I woke up Sunday feeling strange. I knew there were things I needed to do, but I didn't feel pushed to do them. I wanted to just be lazy. It wasn't that I'd lost interest in activities or was otherwise depressed. It took awhile but I finally realized I was relaxed. Relaxed. Its been a long time.

Pump no more

Trying to pump 5-6 times a day got to be increasingly difficult so over the past week I've cut back. I also stopped the medication I was on to increase my milk supply. Yesterday I just pumped twice. Today I haven't pumped at all. After all the stress and angst I've had related to breastfeeding and pumping, I wasn't prepared to have such a hard time deciding to stop. (Maybe if she ate better, it wouldn't be so hard. It used to seem like she liked breast milk better than formula but that doesn't seem to be the case anymore.) Nor was I prepared to be sad about stopping. This morning I realized I didn't know it was the last time the last time I tried to actually breastfeed my baby. I couldn't even remember when it was so, for the actual last time, I got out our little nipple shield and tried again this morning. It was probably the best feeding session she's ever done. If she'd latched like that to start with, been that alert, and we'd had that experience 2 months ago, I think breastfeeding would have been an entirely different experience. But she didn't, she wasn't, and it wasn't. Maybe that's why I'm sad.

Mommy Lesson #5663...

.....do NOT get baby's shots the week Daddy is on call. P helps SO much with Isla that its hard when he's working or knows he has surgery the next day and needs to rest. Isla's been pretty fussy the past few days. Either she's rapid-cycling bipolar or she's still recovering from her vaccines Tuesday. Whichever, P had surgery Tuesday and was on call Wednesday and Thursday so I've tried to do all the getting up at night this week. I couldn't sleep at all Tuesday night and Wednesday night was also hard. Last night was better so I'm feeling better today and tonight Mimi is coming over to take care of Isla all night so P and I can go downstairs and get some sleep. Hopefully my happy baby will be back soon.

We have a plan...

Isla had her 2 month check-up and shots today. Dr. S thinks everything looks good, but does feel we need to be proactive about getting more weight on her. We talked about the feeding issues our wonderful SLP friend M observed when she watched her eat Sunday and Dr. S watched her eat some too and felt inside her mouth--apparently Isla had a high palate. She's sending us for a formal SLP eval and said a different nipple type might help make eating easier. We're also trying higher calorie formula. There are only 2 more calories an ounce, but that's an extra 10% and over the course of the day would be the equivalent of an extra feeding. Hopefully with these actions, we'll see some improvement when we follow-up after vacation. We also talked about the mommy anxiety issues and whether mommy needs a magic little pill to take the edge off. Since I feel like we're doing something now, I'm going to hold off on that. I did have blood drawn today to check TSH levels. When my thyroid gets out of whack, I sometimes have more anxiety issues anyway so I wouldn't be surprised if they call tomorrow and tell me to decrease my Synthroid dose.

Newborn pictures...

By the way, if you haven't seen Isla's newborn pictures, you can go to www.lauradavisphotography.com. Enter website, click on client proofing, newborn collection, and Isla. Our last name is the password.

Winston returns!

Grow baby, grow!

Somehow we ended up with a baby who doesn't eat well. She's 2 months tomorrow and just over a pound over her birth weight. She's had problems with suction, reflux, and constipation. After weighing her this morning and seeing she'd only gained 4 ounces in 2 weeks, I sat and cried. Then I called the wonderful LC and had a chat with her. She suggested (the generic of the) Gentlease formula and to stop the water Isla has been drinking for constipation. Hopefully this will digest better, not cause constipation, and let her eat more without hurting. I'll check back in with the LC Monday and she has her 2 month check-up Tuesday.

Tomorrow...updated Winston photos!

Tidbits...

I know some women worry about the personal landscaping before giving birth (Hi M!) but I wasn't concerned about that issue. I did however have a pedicure a few days before Isla was born and many people commented on the toes while I was in the hospital. Kinda made me wonder if other grooming niceties would have been commented on if they'd been addressed. Doubt it. Anyway I thought of this tonight when I removed the last of the polish from my pre-Isla pedi.
Here's the picture of Isla in the contraption to have her chest xray. It reminded me of the canisters they use at the bank. I expected her to be shot up a vacuum tunnel to the other side of a window.

It wasn't as bad as it looked. Isla cried but no more than anytime her clothes are changed. She coughed less today. It was such a gorgeous day and she seemed so much better that we took the stroller out for a bit this afteroon.
We're back to being a single canine household. Bumper needs a home where there's not an infant. He's too high energy to be around a baby. P was afraid he'd plow into Isla sometime when not paying attention or we'd trip over him. I was worried about the way he and Speckles end up fighting when she's done playing and he wasn't. I didn't want Isla getting in the way of that. We were able to take him back to the no-kill rescue we got him from and they'll find another home for him. The shelter has good adoption stats and he was only there a month when we got him so hopefully he'll find a new home with a high energy dog or school aged children soon. It was a hard decision to make and I couldn't go with P to take him back but I know its the right thing for our family.
We're starting to plan our vacation. Before I go back to work we're going to Orange Beach, AL for a week with friends. P has a thing in Chicago before that so we're going to Chicago on a Thursday evening, driving from Chicago towards Orange Beach on Sunday. We'll stop partway and finish the drive Monday morning. We'll come home the following Friday/Saturday. That Sunday is Easter and Isla has a gorgeous little Easter dress that I found for $8 at a consignment shop. The following Tuesday I go back to work. Not sure how I feel about that one.
I'm about to fall asleep so I should go to bed. But I know someone will need a bottle shortly so I'm just going to sing off and try to read. I just started Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert (who also wrote Eat, Pray, Love). Hopefully I'll have time to edit this tomorrow. Good Night!

Cough, cough...

P's cough has pretty much disappeared. Mine is a lot better. Isla's was getting worse yesterday so we thought we'd better get it checked out. We went to the hospital with the intent of going through Express Care to get an RSV test. They ended up triaging us through to the regular ER. RSV was negative. Chest xray was questionable--there might have been some early infiltrates or it might have been normal (do you know how they get a chest xray on a baby?? I made P take a picture with his phone--I'll post it when I get a chance). Everything else looked good. Since she'd started coughing and had been exposed to mommy and daddy with bad coughs, they gave us the option of an antibiotic. The doctor also told us we could give her nebulizer treatments if she seemed congested. She seems better today so hopefully being proactive will keep her from getting sick. I'm supposed to follow-up with her regular doctor tomorrow but I think I'm going to call and tell them everything seems fine now and that I'll call if she has more symptoms. We're due in there a week from Tuesday for 2 month shots anyway. If she remains like she is now, I'm comfortable waiting until then to be seen.

Sick

I'm sick. I've been fighting it for a few days and I think it officially attacked me last night. I'm under orders to call the doctor's office this morning and try to get in to see her today. I've been hoping and praying that Isla doesn't get it too. I heard a couple coughs out of her last night and just started bawling. I feel like the worst mommy ever giving my baby my cough.

Her puke smelled like pancakes...

The comment amused me. We've been having to give Isla Karo syrup in her bottle for constipation (she doesn't like the syrup though--whoddathunk that a kid of mine wouldn't have a sweet tooth???) and she spit up on Daddy tonight. Her puke smelled like pancakes.

Clothes and diapers...

I had to retire Isla's newborn sleepers last week. She still had plenty of room in the belly but her feet ran out of room when she would stretch. She can still wear other newborn clothes and some 0-3 month clothes are starting not to totally swim on her. The last pack of newborn diapers was pretty snug so I bought size 1s yesterday. Same brand, but these now seem large. Her G diapers fit her well--they don't seem to mind she doesn't have much of a hiney--so we're wearing those mostly.

P's been fighting a cough for a week and I seem to have gotten one too. Hope Isla can keep from getting it!

Isla likes to lay on her changing table and just swim around--the movement I felt so much before she was born and would tell P she was everywhere at once--so we'll let her lay there after a diaper change and just talk with her a bit. Last week she started SCREAMING while doing this. I realized that the hand on her head had clenched into a fist and she was pulling her hair! It was tough prying her fingers apart.

If you haven't seen our newborn pictures, go to www.lauradavisphotography.com. Click on client proofing, newborn collection, Isla, then enter our last name as a password. Love them!

Almost done pumping--yep, TMI but that's when I'm on the computer!--so back to bed!