Woo Hoo!

Angel was able to find the heartbeat with the doppler at my doctor's visit today. She didn't want to try if it would upset me if she couldn't find it. I knew it was really early to find it and assured her I'd be okay if she couldn't find it. I showed her where Rico was hanging out last week during the ultrasound and within a few seconds, she'd caught a second of it but couldn't hold it. Within a minute or so, she was able to find it again and hold it for me to hear and get a reading. Rico was going a whopping 156 bpm!

Nothing new....

I'm staying sick enough that for the most part I'm feeling good about everything going as its supposed to.

I defended my internship paper Monday and my biggest concern about the event was that my morning sickness would pop up at 3:30 in the afternoon and I'd get sick in the middle of the discussion. Rico managed to behave though--I was sick right before I left work and as soon as I got home, but he behaved himself while I was at school. A few polishing type corrections this weekend and I will officially be an August grad.

I have my first official prenatal visit this morning. Hopefully I can remember all the family medical history or we can just refer to the form from last year. Still hoping that we might hear the heartbeat today, but trying to convince myself its too early and not to get my hopes too high.

More later--

Lots of updates

The ultrasound Tuesday was EXCELLENT! Growth was a day ahead of the curve and the heartbeat was 167 beats per minute. Woo hoo!!

Meanwhile I've determined that I have to surround myself with positivity. I can't handle any suggestion that this baby won't make it. I worry enough on my own--I can't have that compounded by anyone else's negativity.

And now from the comic relief department...

Perhaps it's TMI, perhaps you will be amused. I'm sharing either way.

I've been having some pretty major gas issues in the afternoons, typically around going home time.

So yesterday, I went to the gym after work and I'm on the treadclimber trying to hold in the gas. Hhhmmm…maybe sitting on an exercise bike would work better. I'm on the bike awhile and start feeling sick. Nothing comes up in the bathroom at Healthpoint (was so greatful for the single bathroom back by the exercise class room and not having to be in the main bathroom as I was heaving). Leave the gym, pick up the dog, and go home.

Standing over the toilet at home, the gas decides its time to make a break for it.
HEAVE.
Putt, putt, putt.
HEAVE. BELCH.
Poot, poot, poot.
HEAVE. SPLASH.
Putt, putt.

I seriously sounded like a half dead engine, trying to rev up and dying out. Repeatedly.

Heaving.
Pooting.
And Laughing.


And to think yesterday morning I was upset and worried because I thought I'd been feeling too good.

Bundle of nerves

Today's the day. I'm so nervous. My ultrasound is in just a couple of hours. I know part of this is morning sickness--I've been getting sick after eating the past few days but part of it is also nerves.

And the scale is up about 10 pounds. Gotta do something about that. Can't gain that much weight.

Morning, noon, & night

Rico isn't being very discriminatory with the timing of morning sickness. Yesterday I finally found something to ease my nausea...vomitting. Felt much better after that.

In 48 hours, our second ultrasound will be over. I pray its a happy day. Mom's going with me because I can't face an ultrsound on my own. P seems confident that all will be okay--he's much more optimistic than I am these days. I know the morning sickness is a good sign, but I still can't equate being pregnant with having a baby.

Meanwhile, my jeans start the day feeling comfy but get snug at the waist by the end of the day. I've gained about 5 pounds in 2 weeks trying to eat around morning sickness--after vomitting yesterday the scale was actually lower than it was when I found out about Rico. But once I rehydrated the number went back up. Hopefully the eating situation will get easier.

We went to game night at a friend's house last night. Love her place and we had tons of fun. It seemed strange that none of those friends know about Rico, but I'm not willing to share that info just yet. Maybe after Tuesday. Meanwhile I got to love on baby Grace awhile. She's so sweet.

More Tuesday after The Ultrasound.

Hopeful...

Each time I grabbed the trash can today to heave (no actual vomitting, just heaving), I told myself that it meant that Rico's heartbeat was getting faster, stronger. The worse I feel, the better the hormones are working and my body is doing what its supposed to. The worse I feel, the prettier the ultrasound will be next Tuesday. One more week.

I had P pick up some Seabands for me this afternoon. I've used them for motion sickness before but couldn't find my old ones. They worked pretty good for motion sickness so hopefully they will for morning sickness too. Its too early for me to predict relief, but I think I feel a little better since I put them on. Here's hoping!

Rough weekend...

The morning sickness has been present for most of the weekend. I've had a few good hours here and there, but overall, I'm getting lots of reassurance that everything is going well with Rico. No actual vomitting, but lots and lots of nausea.

I've been really lazy this weekend and haven't gotten much done. I managed to fix lunch yesterday and ran a couple errands. Today I went to church but wasn't sure I was going to make it through the service. At some point today, it struck me that cookie dough sounded yummy, but alas, Rico can't have raw eggs. So I decided cupcakes are an acceptable substitute. I had some batter before adding the eggs. I'll have one and then put the rest in the freezer. I need to take treats to work in a few days anyway.

Going to go check on my cupcakes!

Saltines and ginger ale

are my friends.

Ultrasound, morning sickness, sore boobs, oh my!

We had our ultrasound yesterday. Rico measured right at where he was supposed to. We were able to see the heartbeat and it measured 90 by the nurse's count or 92 or 93 by the machine measurement. I've read everything over 80 is good at this point, that 90-120 is normal at this point, or that anything under 100 is concerning. Dr. H didn't seem worried though and Dr. S wasn't worried when I spoke with her today either. We'll check again in 2 weeks when I'm right at 8 weeks. Unfortunately, we can't sedate me for the next 2 weeks.

Meanwhile morning sickness has kicked in so that's reassuring. Its hard to figure out what food sounds good, but once I do, I eat too much. Tonight it was Rice-A-Roni--YUM! P went the store and bought it and made it for me. He had one serving, I had the rest of the box. Last night it was bread.

The boobs are also a little sore. Not bad, but then that's never been a PMS symptom for me anyway.

I've still only told a couple of people but P has told all his coworkers. I'm still not really comfortable telling people. If something happens, I can't handle having people know but not say anything again.

Waiting for a phone call....

A little bit of spotting this morning so we're checking HCG levels again. The lab said Dr S's office should have the results in about an hour. I've been home an hour now so hopefully they'll call soon with a BIG number to reassure me.

UPDATE: BIG number!!! 14,000! Tripled in the last 3 days! Its been about 15 hours and no more spotting. Hopefully it was just some superficial skin irritation and not actually spotting. My ultrasound appointment is in 62 hours. I pray we see around a 6 week fetus with a strong heartbeat. Or hey, with the way my levels have been increasing, maybe 2 fetuses with strong heartbeats!

P's in New Orleans this weekend and my plan is to be very sedentary. I rented some movies and I have plenty of reading materials.

Is it too early to claim pregnancy brain?

Yesterday was Speckles birthday and she always gets ice cream for her birthday. No, she doesn't get a party, just ice cream. I stopped at Food Giant and bought a pint of vanilla to split among the four of us. I specifically remember thinking during the 3 minute drive home that I hoped I remember to put the ice cream in the freezer when I got home. Forty-five minutes later, I look in the dining room to see the ice cream sitting on the table. Luckily, neither of the pups, nor P and I are picky about ice cream. It sufficiently refroze for consumption.

Meanwhile, still no morning sickness. I've been really hungry though--I'm goint to try not obsess about points or calories and just make good food choices. I've been tired, but not as bad as it was with the last pregnancy--my thyroid levels were low then. This time I started out in the upper range of normal so Dr. H thought I'd be good with the same dosage. We'll check it again next month to make sure.

More later,

Frustrations

I've been reading pregnancy journals at a site where anyone can sign up for a little journal where they can record their thoughts and feelings during their pregnancies. I found the site last summer and enjoyed reading the journals of people with due dates close to mine--it was really exciting when I started seeing a lot of due dates AFTER mine. I started reading them again a few days ago and find myself getting so frustrated.

One girl's latest entry is focused on things like getting a Verizon bill in the mail when she didn't pay last month's and her (husband's? boyfriend's?) job is only for the summer, she's going to school, she doesn't know which bills to pay, and doesn't know how they're going to prepare for the baby.

Obviously these people are ready to be parents.

Its so frustrating that they'll probably have the stress-free pregnancy (health-wise anyway) and never consider that fact that something might go wrong.

Then another girl who says claims that "the worst thing about pregnancy has started…morning sickness!" Uh, no. Morning sickness isn't the worse thing about pregnancy. Morning sickness is a reassurance from your body that everything is proceeding like it should. I PRAY for morning sickness. The worse thing about a pregnancy is when you see blood and then find out that your HCG levels are dropping or that your little one no longer has a heartbeat.

I need to get over this feeling of entitlement that comes from us being able to afford to have a baby and knowing that we'll appreciate things so much more than other people since we've lost four.

Go beta go!

My levels are still rising nicely. Up from 135 on the 20th to 4300 today. I don't think there will ever be a time that I won't be nervous, but I feel better than I did last week. Very few people know at this point. I can't handle having another loss where people know but no one says anything--it feels too much like people don't care. I'd rather people just didn't know. My levels should be high enough to have a chance at seeing something on the ultrasound next week but the timing will be in the gray area where I shouldn't worry if they can't see anything.

Still praying....

Our little coqui....

My hcg levels tripled in 48 hours. This is good. I can be hopeful. I was excited to find out my levels rose from 43 to 135 in 48 hours. But I still can't really be excited about being pregnant. I may have a hard time being excited until I see an ultrasound after 8 weeks. With my longest pregnancy, the ultrasound at 11 weeks showed the baby stopped growing at 8 weeks. Speaking of ultrasounds, Dr H went ahead and scheduled one for June 1. We may not be able to see much because I won't even be 6 weeks yet, but I hope he'll order another one the next week if we can't see a heartbeat yet.

I saw Dr. S today for an ear thing and mentioned that I'm obsessively peeing on sticks to see how fast they turn positive. I know there's no scientific basis for doing that, but it makes me feel better.

Saying lots of prayers, please join me.

It's sad....

That we can't get more excited about a positive pregnancy test anymore. This morning, when I held it up to the light and squinted and looked at it JUST right a few hours after I took it, I thought there might be a line. This evening I took another one and it was clearly positive in the set time frame. I have an appointment to see the specialist tomorrow anyway. We'll see what he says about things.

Hopeful, but not really excited.

We'd hoped that vacation would be fruitful. Maybe we'll get our little Puerto Rican baby. Since Flo showed up a week before vacation, she didn't get to go with us and I was ovulating by the time we got back home so a pregnancy at this point would be an extra souvenir.