Doctor's appointment

I'm not sure how I feel right now. I was extremely nervous yesterday and this morning. I did okay yesterday trying not to eat my anxiety, but I haven't done as well today. I still have some of my weekly flex points left though so it hasn't gotten too out of control. I think now I'm just sad.

I met with Dr. H today. There are some more tests he wants to order, but he wants to do some research on thyroid issues to make sure he doesn't miss a test that might tell us something so I don't have a script yet. The RN will call me. I also need to have either an HSG, which my doctor had talked to me about before and she can do, or a special ultrasound that he wasn't sure if they do down here but he can do in St. Charles. P and I will both have karotyping done to check for genetic issues. The HSG or ultrasound he said we should wait until after my second normal cycle to do. I think that's what hit me so hard today. I wasn't in a big hurry about trying again--certainly not compared to what I've been in the past. But being told not to try again for a couple months is hard. Waiting until March to even have this test, waiting until April to start trying again....it means that this can't happen this year. It's only February but I can't have a baby this year. I thought I was going to have one in 2008 but it can't happen until at least 2010.

And what if I got pregnant this month? I think I ovulated last week. I wasn't expecting to do so but I think it happened and timing would have been right to get pregnant again. I don't know if I'm excited about the possibility or just scared.

Since my homocysteine levels were normal, he doesn't think I need Lovenox next time, but does think the baby aspirin is a good idea. Anyway, he said even if we didn't have any tests or treatment or anything, we'd have a 50/50 chance on having a successful pregnancy based on what we know so far. There's certainly still hope.

So why am I feeling so hopeless tonight?