The question of the day/week/month?

Everyone is asking if I'm ready for Isla to be here. Such a tough question. I can't wait to meet her and all the selfish things like I can't wait to move normally again and I can't wait to not have to pee every 45 minutes. But I don't want to not feel her moving around inside of me anymore (although I can do without the panic of wondering if I've felt her enough on any given day). I want to share her with her family and introduce her to all her friends, but I don't want to not have her all to myself anymore. I want her out here because I'm so worried about something happening to her before she gets here, but I also know I can protect her better now than I'll ever be able to again--this is as close to keeping her in a bubble as I'll be able to do. The realization that she's coming out and it IS going to HURT is setting in. So are all the worries and fears about what we're going to do with her when she gets here. I suppose all these things are natural. Women have been doing this for centuries.

Meanwhile, I was 1 cm dilated Monday. I know that doesn't mean anything--I could walk around like that for weeks and weeks. Dr S said the menstrual-type cramps I've been feeling are Braxton Hicks. Those are getting more frequent. We went up to the hospital Monday night for a NST because I couldn't feel much movement. Once on the monitor we could hear plenty, but I still couldn't feel it. I guess she was just swimming in the middle of her pool. The last two days she's been a good girl and swimming at the edge where I can feel lots of movement. Next Tuesday I go back to the clinic for another ultrasound, see how the amniotic fluid levels are, how big this little girl is getting, and to see what they say about the swelling issues. I guess whatever they say, Isla will be here within a month or so! Ready. Or. Not.

January 14th

On December 14, I told P that my prediction was that Isla will come on January 14. I was just thinking about things and went back and looked at old blog postings and realized that January 14, 2009 was when I realized that the last miscarriage was imminent.

I don't really have any feelings about that, just a realization.

Puffy marshmallow feet

My feet have looked like marshmallows since Christmas Eve. I've also had some swelling in my hands off and on. Yesterday all that extra fluid was reflected in the scale. My BP was also a little high at the doctor's office and there was a trace of protein in my urine. She said I needed to cut back to working half days and reduce my other activities. I'm in the middle of a 24 hour urine test to measure how much protein is actually in there. Hopefully the test results come back good and we're able to keep Isla cooking for awhile longer.

Merry Christmas!

P and I had a fairly lazy Christmas. He loves his new birthday robe and spent most of the morning in it. Bumper seemed to like us lazing around the house too.

For the most part, the pups were fairly lazy yesterday too.

P and I went to the late Christmas Eve service at church so we didn't have anyone going with us to take our picture before church. So this year's Christmas pic was taken Christmas Day when my parents came over for brunch. The pic from 2 years ago is still my favorite. Hopefully next year I can be back to that size. We'll also have a nearly one year old in the pic with us!

Here's a picture taken after my last shower. M got Isla what EVERY girl needs...a shoe wardrobe! How great is that?


I've been wanting to write something for Isla...hopefully that post will come in the next few days. I'm just having trouble putting everything I want to tell my little girl into words. I've told her from the beginning that she can't come out until January....January is almost here and I'm getting quite anxious to meet her! Still, I understand what so many mommies have told me about how much they missed being able to feel their little ones after they were born. I was looking back through my blog yesterday and saw an entry from August where I talked about feeling her move---I can't believe I've been feeling her move around in there for 4 months!

Time to get going....P and I are going to the gym so I can hang out in the pool awhile. My feet have started swelling the past few days so hopefully the pool will help that.

Can't sleep

It's 3:30 in the morning and I've been awake for at least an hour. First it was hip pain, then my mind started racing, then Bumper decided if someone else was moving around, it must be time to go outside to potty and play, then the hunger started... UGH. I went ahead and got up about 30 minutes ago to at least quiet the dog so P can get some sleep. I've been playing games on Facebook. Now I have a dog resting his head (and front paws and upper body) on one leg and the laptop on the other. Oh, and Isla's found some spot she likes the last few days that involves some body part wedged in the left side of my ribcage. I ate an orange but I'm still hungry. And I'm sleepy. And uncomfortable. And what's with these things that feel like menstrual cramps? I've read they're Braxton Hicks and I've read they're not. But they're infrequent so I'm not going to worry too much about them. Isla--if you're reading this is in a few years, these are the joys of being 35 weeks pregnant with you.

Wishful thinking?

Isla doesn't feel quite as much like she's shoved up into my boobs as she usually does. Maybe she's just going for a swim a little lower, but MAYBE she's starting to drop--wonder how long it can take them to drop? Or maybe I'm just imagining it and tomorrow I'll wake up feeling like she's RIGHT THERE again.

(Almost) 34 week check-up

P went with me to my regular check-up yesterday and everything looked good. The nurse told me last time that we'd start waist down exams this time, but she was off a visit--we start those in 2 more weeks. My doctor reassured me that the ultrasound estimate on weight could be a pound off and usually if it's off, it overestimates. This is going to be a big baby--a pound variance could be the difference between a 9 pounder and a 10 pounder! When I go back next time, I'll have to have the Group B Strep swabbing. In 3 weeks, I go back for another ultrasound to check growth--I'm hoping at that point we can get a better idea of when and how this baby is coming out. I'm not ready for her now--I know she needs more cooking time--but I really hope she decides to come before her due date!

And Happy Birthday to my sweetie!

Feed My Starving Children

This morning P and I spent two hours helping pack meals for Feed My Starving Children (www.fmsg.org). Our church committed 500 volunteers to pack 100,000 meals to be distributed to hungry children worldwide. They ended up getting 900 volunteers and had to turn others away. The shift we did this morning was one of four shifts today and we packed over 45,000 meals...enough to feed 124 children one meal a day for a year. Packing the meals consisted of measuring out a chicken flavored vitamin-mineral mixture, measuring dehydrated vegetables, soy, and rice. The meals were then packed into cases and the organization distributes them to relief organizations in over sixty countries. To prepare the meals, the bags just have to be placed in boiling water. P and I worked stations to load the food bag on a funnel and weigh the bags to make sure the appropriate amount of food was in each bag. It was just two hours out of our Sunday and I left feeling so appreciative for everything I have and that Isla is going to have a warm, safe, home with plenty to eat and also feeling amazed at how easy it can be to a difference in the lives of others.....a group of about 200 of us packed food to feed 124 kids for a year in just two hours. Our church will collect a special offering Christmas Eve to purchase food for this organization so more meals can be packed for kids.

I dreamed a dream....

Gotta love those pregnancy dreams….

George Clooney (not as Dr. Ross, but as George Clooney) delivered Isla this morning. No one else was in the room and I apparently slept through the entire thing. He woke me up and told me I needed to do some stretches. I asked about Isla and he told me she was being examined and cleaned up. After stretching, he wheeled my bed into the hallway where P and a bunch of my mom's cousins were waiting (people I see once every 5-10 years). P got me up out of bed and said we should look around while they finished examining Isla. Then I was roaming around a library trying to find a bathroom. I woke up before I got to see the baby girl.

No GD for me!

Not only did I pass the 3 hour glucose test, my glucose levels were on the low side. By the time I got to eat, my blood sugar was down to 46. No wonder I was shaky, felt like crap and had to consider having someone drive me to the lab for the last draw. Since the lab is a 45 second drive from work, I decided I could manage it myself, but had it been any further, I would have found a chauffeur. So no GD for me.

Since I passed the test, the reason for the fluid is idiopathic--we don't know. We'll monitor Isla and make sure she doesn't show any signs of distress, pray a lot, and wait for her arrival.

Specialist visit

I went to see the maternal fetal med specialist today. She wants me to have a 3 hour glucose test, fetal nonstress tests twice a week, and for me to do kick counts twice a day. I'll do the glucose test tomorrow and had my first NST today. Since the random glucose levels I've checked lately have all been under 100, I don't expect to have any problem passing the glucose test, but we'll see tomorrow for sure. If GD is causing the problem, then once we get my blood sugars regulated, we can expect the fluid levels to even out. If that's not it, there doesn't really seem to be any reason to think they'll go down. I have a follow-up appointment at the clinic on January 5th for another ultrasound to check for growth.

Since last Thursday, Isla has flipped back into breech position---there was a point over the weekend when I thought it felt like she did a complete somersault, guess I was right! She's also grown. Thursday she measured 5 pounds, 3 ounces. Today she measured 6 pounds. Of course there's a measure of error, but still, she's gonna be a big little girl!

She looks good though. Her cord formed as a 3 vessel but they could only see blood flow in 2. The doctor didn't seem especially concerned since I'll be monitored more closely anyway.

Huh.

We're supposed to have a baby. A BABY. Next month. NEXT MONTH!

Doctor's appointment--32ish weeks

Today's doctor's appointment went well. Things are still looking good, but I need to watch my blood pressure because it's creeping up and my ankles were a little puffy. She said to watch the sodium. Guess all that ham I've had since Thanksgiving wasn't the best choice. I was also chatting while my BP was being checked and that always seems to make it read a little higher.

I have my ultrasound to check amniotic fluid levels on Thursday. If it is still high, she said she'd send me back to see Dr. H, the maternal fetal med specialist. She said he'd probably do a level 3 ultrasound to check everything out and see what he thinks. Apparently levels are supposed to max out around 32 weeks so hopefully everything checks out fine Thursday. I like being "routine." There's enough to worry about as a routine patient. I don't like being a special concern. If I don't hear from them by Thursday afternoon, I'm supposed to call to make sure they got the ultrasound results--she wants to try to get me in to see the specialist when he's in town Monday or Tuesday next week if needed.

The nurse said that at my next appointment the waist down checks start. P should be able to go to that one with me--he's off that day to have a colonoscopy. Waist down checks seem like such a big deal!

Questions and tears....

Lately my head has been full of questions. Some the typical questions about pregnancy, some more about child rearing.

When do we have to stop watching Family Guy if Isla is in the room?
Do I have to stop listening to Kid Rock in the car once she's born?
What do we do with this kid?

I'm trying to dismiss these questions as we'll deal with them when the time comes.

Meanwhile, moodiness has kicked in. Big. Time. Thanksgiving was overwhelming--not sleeping well, lots of little things annoying me, then the dogs misbehaving....I just wanted to cry. Friday went somewhat better but I didn't do much. Yesterday we went to see my grandparents. I did much better with the 2 1/2 hour drive down there and back than I expected but my hips were really sore last night from sitting all day. This morning I just had to cry. Poor P, he just laid down next to me and listened, rubbing my back, assuring me that everything is normal and will be fine. He has a coworker due at the same time we are that's having the same issues--moving slowly, feeling tired, etc. We went to church after a good cry--Isla always seems to move a lot during church--did a few errands, walked the dogs, I took a nap, and went to the pool. I feel much better now.

On the positive side of things, I've done some random glucose checks because P was worried about that with the size of the baby, my "just barely" passing my screening, and my high levels of amniotic fluid. All have been good, including a 93 after eating lunch on Thanksgiving. I've been checking my blood pressure more too and that's been good.

After tomorrow it becomes "next month." Next month. Maybe we should focus on that still being "next year."

What are we doing?

Pregnancy brain...

P says he wants his smart wife back. I've warned him that A says that the brain cells don’t always come back. I've lost a number of things during this pregnancy…some I expect to turn back up, some are probably gone for good. Then there are the other pregnancy brain issues other than the losing things. Forgetting things seems particulary troublesome.

Saturday night I reached into my purse while we were in Best Buy. What is slimy in my purse??? I pull out a store receipt that is moist. And smells like bananas? The I remember the ripe banana I'd sat on the top of my purse a few days before as I walked out the door to work. And I realize I had not consumed said banana. Nor had I removed said banana from my purse. I look but don’t see anything (ok, looking for a ripe--now BLACK--banana in the bottom of a small, BLACK purse. At night. Not gonna see a lot). Then I notice some banana flesh oozing out of the split skin. Nice. I suddenly worry that I'm going to forget to remove the offending banana once we get home. Our next stop was Blockbuster so I tossed the fruit outside and hoped that there weren't too many banana guts which has oozed out. When I got home, I emptied everything and tossed the purse in the laundry.

Ugh. I want my brain cells back.

Hormones...

I'm never the most patient person, but me thinks the pregnancy hormones are making things worse. Today at the grocery store a new line opened and a woman moved from the long line to the new line but felt like she was jumping ahead of some man so she was telling him to go first, meanwhile I'd walked up before the man made it over to the new line. The two of them were standing there ARGUING in front of me over who should go first. The cashier standing the just watching them, and me standing there, resisting the urge to say "UM, HELLLOOO--pregnant lady with her arms full, could SOMEONE please go through the line already??"

Not the best day to also brave one of the many craft fairs in town. People everywhere. You can't see half the stuff because people just stand around with their heads stuck up their butts, not paying any attention to whether or not someone is trying to get around them, and just standing in front of tables so that you can't see half the stuff that's for sale.

It takes everything I have to keep my mouth shut some days.

I wish I hadn't kept my mouth shut one day last week. I'd parked at the fabric store with my mom, then after she left, I walked to Toys R Us next door. When I came back out, some bimbo in a Camero pulls into the handicapped space at the fabric store--no handicapped plates, no handicapped hang tag--and jogs into the toy store next door. She could have parked a dozen spaces out from the toy store and still been just as close, but no, she had to park in the blue space at the fabric store. She went running into the toy store with a piece of paper. I strongly suspect it was a job application. I started to follow her and go back in the toy store and (if it was an application), tell them what an inconsiderate bitch was applying to work there. But alas, this pregnant woman had been walking about for awhile and was too tired to walk back over to the toy store.

Now I'm watching My Super Sweet Sixteen. In general, these spoiled kids really annoy me, but on this one, Daddy McDollars is acting as bouncer and kicking kids out who are dancing too suggestively, made the girl get her dress altered so it doesn't show any cleavage, and only gave the birthday girl a motorbike for her birthday (instead of the Hummer limos that some kids on this show get).

I went to the doctor this week. Last week's ultrasound looked good except my levels of amniotic fluid were high so I'll have another ultrasound in two weeks to check on those. Dr. S said that since everything has been looking good with me and all my ultrasounds have looked good, she doesn't expect any consequence from the extra fluid other than she'll have to break my water. I didn't think to ask at the time if she just meant that I'll go into labor on my own and she'll have to do that or if she meant that I'll have to be induced. From what I've read, too much amniotic fluid frequently means induction to make sure when the water breaks, the cord doesn't come out. I'll ask her about this when I see her on the 30th. The next ultrasound is the 3rd.

More later-

Ultrasound pictures....

She's going to be a little chunk! Look at those chubby little cheeks. She was measuring a couple weeks ahead or in the 75th percentile for her gestational age. I'm not at all surprised that she's going to be a big baby--all the babies in my family tend to be big!

I've read how you shouldn't lay on your back after week 20 or so. I wasn't flat on my back during the ultrasound, but I suddenly started getting really hot, dizzy, nauseous, and my head was pounding. I really thought I was going to pass out. I moved to my side and my mom got me a wet washcloth and I was fine in a few minutes. Crisis averted. Guess that's why you shouldn't lay on your back when pregnant!

Ultrasounds are so exciting! I just love them. The tech today was going through things faster than techs I've had in the past and she wasn't very reassuring when she'd tell us she couldn't tell us anything when we'd ask her a question. She did tell us that the placenta was 9 cm away from the cervix so that's good. I guess she can tell us things that are measurable, but not things that require interpretation. I'll have to wait until Monday to find out for sure that the radiologist said everything was okay.

More later...

Shower pictures!

Great weekend!

It's only Sunday morning, but it's been a great weekend. Friday night we went to a surprise party for a friend's 30th. We didn't stay long because after sitting at work all day, my back gets pretty picky about my positioning the rest of the evening. Plus P had to take his big test Friday morning and was pretty drained from that. We came home and I was stretched out in the recliner when I saw my shirt move. P missed it but yesterday morning we were laying in bed and he saw movement as he was talking to Isla. Yesterday I took the dogs for a walk, did a few errands, went for a pedicure (I even splurged on the deluxe--LOVED the sugar rub on my legs and warm towels on my feet), the weather was gorgeous, and went to Isla's baby shower. There was a great turn out for the shower and A's idea to ask people to start Isla's library was a big hit. She got so many books and lots of other great stuff--even an Easy Bake Oven! K, A, and my aunt put a lot of work into the shower and I really appreciate everything they did. I'll post pictures later. After the shower, P and I helped K put her house back together then she and T came over for pizza and visited a bit. P, A, and I organized the presents some and looked through all the books. I can't wait to read them all to Isla! I guess moving the guest room downstairs was a good thing--P and I have been awake for a couple of hours, the dogs have run through the house several times, but A's still sleeping. She got up at 4 yesterday morning to drive down so I know she's exhausted!

Isla and I are so lucky to have so many people that love us!

At least its not the flu!

I hate being sick. I hate being sick! I HATE BEING SICK!! ESPECIALLY while pregnant! It's just a cold/allergies/sinusy stuff, but the timing of it really sucks. I'm starting to feel overwhelmed again about having so much to do and P's taking his recertification exam this week so he's been really focused on that and not on the things I'm stressing about. And he's fussing that I need to rest and take care of myself (yes, I know he's right!) so I don't need to be doing them all anyway. I tried to not do much over the weekend. I'd rest awhile, then when it was time for a potty break (for me or the dogs), I'd put up a little bit of laundry or clear a couple things off the kitchen table. I promised I'd stay home and rest today--he wanted me to stay home Thursday and Friday but both days I said I'd come home if I got to work and felt worse but then ended up working all day. So the plan today is to take Bumper to doggy day care to get some good exercise (and me to get some quiet), stop at Walgreens for Robitussin, and come home and do nothing. We have our first class tonight at 6--the epidural class. We also preregister for the hospital stay tonight, although my insurance is changing as of January 1 so I'll have to take care of that part of things later. We can't reschedule the class because it's only on Monday nights and our regular childbirth class starts next Monday and lasts the rest of the month. And the hospital wants this class completed by the 7th month.

More later--possibly later today and I rest and take things easy.

Isla got mail, Winston, more song lyrics, and more

Isla got mail last week--actually a UPS package from her Aunt K.

K made the blankets and also sent some booties, a taggie, and a couple rattles. Isla's first mail delivery!
My mom found these pillows I made years ago--probably when I was in junior high--and asked if I wanted to use them. I have some mending to do on them after their trip through the washing machine, but I'll see if we can find a place for them in Isla's room.



I tried taking some pictures of the pups today for Christmas cards, but they weren't terribly cooperative.



One of the doctors P works with brought him a BabyBjorn Babysitter this week. More than a bouncy, Isla will be able to use this until she's about 2 years old. Thanks Dr and Mrs V!

A and I did some massive shopping last weekend. Ok, I did a lot of shopping and A did a lot of looking. Winston is one of the things that came home with me. He's huge and SO soft. We found him at the JCPenney Catalog Outlet store. He takes up the entire rocking chair--I'm not sure where he'll sit when I need the rocking chair--probably on top of the toy chest.


We also found this adorable little cow while we were in St. Charles. She's a learn to dress doll--there's a button, a zipper, some velcro. Too cute not to purchase!


And another song had me tearing up in the car last week.

More Beautiful You....
Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn't straight her body isn't fake
And she's always felt overweight

Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty-one the things that you've already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you've got a man but he's got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead

Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true
And he'll treat you like the jewel you are

So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who's strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl

I should really learn how to actually play the song on here.

I'm starting to get anxious about everything that needs to be done around here. As of today, we expect Isla month after next. That seems so soon compared to "in about 3 months" like it was last week. Those holiday things are coming up as well. I'm trying to finish Christmas and December birthday shopping--I like to be done by Thanksgiving anyway. I sorted through presents to see what I have and what I need last night and also started wrapping some. I was hoping in the course of sorting through my stash of presents I'd find the alarm clock, the sweaters, and some of the other stuff I've lost in this house in the past few months, but no such luck.

Going to go put another coat of primer on Isla's closet doors. Her cousin R is going to paint some type of picture on them for us and I need to take them to her.

Later--

Hee hee...but possibly TMI.....

The pregnancy gas is ongoing. Pretty annoying at times, but it seems to get Isla moving. Especially first thing in the morning.

She got mail!

So with pregnancy brain, I'm afraid I'll forget what I want to update before I have a chance to actually update and I'm going out of town this weekend so it'll be a few days. So I'm posting a post to remind myself what I want to blog about when I have time.

Isla got mail yesterday. Her aunt K sent her some goodies--I'll have to take pictures.

Gymnastics are ongoing.

And there's another song that made me cry thinking about Isla this morning.

And I think there's something else but I don't remember right now.

Gymnastics....

This little girl was ACTIVE yesterday. I asked M if I could count her acrobatics as my exercise for the day. She said no. All afternoon it felt like a gymnastics competition was going on inside me. Its amazing to feel that and know it means she's getting bigger and stronger. Thankfully its not painful at this point. She's gotten in a couple of jabs (mostly to my bladder) but for the most part, she's been nice to mommmy. We put the doppler on my belly last night and we'd hear her heartbeat for a few seconds, then a flip, then nothing for a few seconds, then another flip, then we'd hear her again. P has been able to feel her movements quite a bit and the last 2 nights there have been times when I could see skin flutters on my belly that corresponded with what I was feeling inside. I'm sure someone else wouldn't have noticed it--it was very subtle but I could match it up to the feelings.

Amazing.

Stealing from friends...

I spent the weekend stealing ideas. M was talking about making picture frames Friday. I wasn't ambitious enough to try to make the ones that she wants to make, but I did make these...

The one on the right is for one of P's coworkers who's due around the same time we are. She made Isla a sweet little bracelet the other day.

Also on Friday, L asked me if I knew how to make pillow case dresses. I started googling and decided they looked pretty doable. Here's my first attempt....I based the width off a newborn dress I have but made it wider and much longer. Without a model to measure, it was hard to guestimate a size. Still, I think it turned out cute...

I also made a Raggedy Ann and Andy throw to go over Isla's infant carrier this winter. I'm also going to add velcro to it so we can use it as a wrap for her instead of a coat/snow suit.

I also made curtains for Isla's room yesterday....

And I added her name to the toy chest that A's dad made for us....

So why does it feel like I didn't do anything this weekend? I did straighten up the nursery today and try to organize some of her things. The toy chest is full of clothes, blankets, burp clothes, etc. Hopefully P will get her dresser/changing table put together the weekend of the shower so we'll have that storage space to further organize her things. An aunt who can't attend the shower gave us a very generous check this weekend--we'll use it to get her swing and some bottles or a case of wipes. I stopped at a couple of garage sales yesterday (procrastinating going to the gym) and found an exersaucer in great shape and a V-Tech walker toy (P is obsessed with V-Tech products).

Isla was really active this week--I can tell she's getting bigger and stronger. But she never seems to move as much on the weekends--I'm sure it's because I don't sit still as much to notice the movements. This morning in church though, she started moving around as soon as Chris started singing. The sermon was on God's Glory being all around us and she kept moving through the whole service--God's Glory indeed!

Baby book....

I've given my mom a hard time for years about my baby book. The older of my two brothers had a baby book that was mostly completed. The next brother had a half-completed baby book. My baby book was still in the box with the Sears price sticker on it, not a thing written in it. Not. A. Thing. Not long after getting pregnant, I took the book from my parent's house and told mom I'd use it if we found out we're having a girl. I started looking through it the other day and discovered that 1973 baby books were a bit different than what would be included in baby books today. How many x-rays have I had? Uh, none. Not even at my last dental cleaning! I don't remember what else seemed out of date, but I don't think I'll use that as Isla's baby book. I haven't started one yet...I'm actually debating whether I need one or if I should just keep the blog up and maybe have it printed and bound for her at some point.

Any thoughts?

More tears...

I read this on another blog yesterday. It said it was written by "Julie" but no other attribution was given.....

About Being a Mom…

We are sitting at lunch when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family".

"We're taking a survey," she says, half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.

"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations...."

But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable. I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die. I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal without a moment's hesitation. I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of her discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is alright. I want my daughter to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother. Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years - not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs. I want her to know that a caesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic. I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children's future. I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or a cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real, it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes.

"You'll never regret it," I finally say.

Then I reach across the table, squeeze my daughter's hand and offer a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings. This blessed gift from God . . .that of being a Mother.


I'm not sure if reading this is what sparked the "WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH A BABY????" questions yesterday or if they were there anyway. Either way, I had to wipe tears from my eyes after reading this so I had to share.

And Isla....even though we're questioning what we're doing, why we're doing it, and have 399,423,563,932 uncertainties running through our heads right now, your daddy and I love you very much. All the worries mentioned above and so many more have already grasped out lives. Daddy says I can't put you in a plastic bubble and there was a story on the internet this morning about some lady who got arrested for locking her kid in a closet so I guess I can't do that to protect you either.

Oh, and a warning--your daddy is already insisting that he doesn't like that boy you're going to want to date. That's going to be a tough one for him.

Squirmy girl!

Isla was very active last night during and after dinner. P got to feel her a couple of times! Love the look on his face when he feels her move!

Great weekend!

P and I went on a mini-babymoon in Branson this weekend. With his recertification exam coming up and the holidays, we weren't sure we'd have another chance to get away for a weekend before Isla comes. We stayed in a quiet little B&B that was actually individual cottages with private decks and hot tub. We got to town in time to do a little shopping and walking along the Landing. We turned the temp down on the hot-tub so it wasn't too hot for Isla and sat outside for awhile, then watched a DVD in our room. Actually P watched the DVD and I fell asleep. Saturday morning we went to breakfast at a diner where the wait staff sings while they serve. That was pretty impressive! Our waitress had a beautiful voice and singing didn't interrupt her pouring coffee and clearing plates. Then we met K, B, and the Hs at Silver Dollar City. P and B took the boys on a bunch of rides while K and I walked around talking. It was a gorgeous day and we all had a lot of fun. After we left the park, we all went to eat at a seafood buffet that had crab legs and lobster. Yum!! They went back to Bentonville Saturday night and P and I went back to our cottage. The hot-tub was turned up so I sat on the side dangling my legs while P was immersed. Then movie/sleep time again. Sunday morning was a lazy morning, then the drive home. My parents were here when we got back--a friend had given us a rocker for Isla's room and they picked it up for me. What a weekend!

Today was a holiday so I did a little shopping--I bought some gingham for curtains and some fleece to make a couple blankets--I'll work on those this weekend. I also went grocery shopping, did laundry, made lasagna, and took the dogs for a walk. Little rest today!

I've been having issues with my tummy getting sore when I walk very much so we bought a support belt when we got to Branson--I'd ordered one last weekend but it didn't in before we left. With the belt, I didn't have any trouble walking around all day Saturday. I didn't have it on good for our walk today but it wasn't long enough to bother me anyway. I have an appointment to start personal training in the water this week--hopefully that'll get me exercising more again. I haven't been on a scale for two weeks since my last doctor's appointment. I feel like I'm doing better with food, but I'm scared to see the scale!

More later--

Projects...

P put the crib together today.

I added some stuff to our Toys R Us registry yesterday and while I was in the store I picked up some plain bibs to decorate. The pink one says Isla in different fonts. The green one says 'Lil Sweet, then has a picture of a pea (one of the docs P works with calls him Sweet P). One says if you're reading this, hand me to grandpa. One says Jesus loves me and so does Daddy.

The white bib has a picture of the US flag and the Puerto Rican flag and says Made in Puerto Rica with American parts. The yellow bib has the Puerto Rican flag on it and says Puerto Rican baby.

Here's the wall hanging I made last weekend.

And the Halloween t-shirt I made for me. I found the design online and stole it to make it myself. It took me much longer to make than it should have, but finally I realized I was reading the directions from the transfer paper for light colored fabrics and the directions for dark fabrics is significantly different.

Weekend update....

P's been sick all weekend so not a lot has gotten done around the house. He did finish the trim in our bedroom and we took a dresser downstairs to the storage room so our bedroom feels bigger and the bassinet won't feel so cramped.

Since so much of what I feel like needs to be done around here depends on P doing some things first--or at least helping me with things, I did a craft project yesterday. Pictures to come. I'd ordered a transfer that says "My Price Charming did come...His name is Daddy!" so it put that on a board yesterday and decorated it.

P was able to go out and about for a little while today and we went to Target to do our baby registry. Gotta love shopping without spending any money. While we were there, we picked up a baby gift for some friends.

Gotta go--there's an obnoxious dog talking to me. Gotta send him outside.

Bizarro thoughts, bizarro dreams

The dream first. Last night (actually this morning between potty break #3 and potty break #4), I dreamt that my grandpa got his nose pierced and came to see me wearing one of those belly button bar thingys in his nose. I can't remember if he was wearing overalls or not, I was too distracted by the nose. (I don't think I've ever seen my grandpa wear anything but overalls. Usually without a shirt, but if he's coming somewhere he'll put a shirt on over the outside of the overalls, leaving most of the buttons undone of course).

Bizarro thoughts. Remember the movie Short Circuit with Ally Sheedy and the robot? The robot was the 5th one produced or something and was called #5 (I think his name was also Johnny). Anyway, the often repeated line in the movie was "#5 is ALIVE." This is pregnancy #5 for us. #5 is ALIVE!

Gotta get the rambunctious dog to doggy day care and get to work.

Waterworks....

So the waterworks have been flowing the last few days. This morning I started crying on the way to work as this song played on the radio:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8UpaifPbqI

Love it!

The lyrics so my little Isla can read them some day when the You Tube video is long gone....

The Words I Would Say by Sidewalk Prophets

Three in the morning,
And I'm still awake,
So I picked up a pen and a page,
And I started writing,
Just what I'd say,
If we were face to face,
I'd tell you just what you mean to me,
I'd tell you these simple truths,

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,

Last time we spoke,
You said you were hurting,
And I felt your pain in my heart,
I want to tell you,
That I keep on praying,
Love will find you where you are,
I know cause I've already been there,
So please hear these simple truths,

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,

From one simple life to another,
I will say,
Come find peace in the Father,

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
Thank God for each day,
His love will find a way,
These are the words I would say

Cute clothes....

More pictures....

The onesies I made this weekend. Took awhile to figure out how to print "mirror image" on our printer, but once I figured that out I was good to go.

And still more pictures....the nursery

Ok, I don't know how to do fancy slide shows or anything like that. I can't even upload more than a few pictures at a time, but here goes. Here are some pictures of the nursery in progress. Looks a lot better in these pictures than it does right now--most of the contents of the computer room are piled in there now so the carpet in that room can be changed out. The Puerto Rican vacation pictures are staying in the nursery since that's where Isla came from.

Just hanging out....

Isla, P, and I have just been hanging out. My dad installed the carpet in the nursery on ultrasound day and it looks great. We've moved the stuff out of the computer room and will tear up that old carpet today so he can install the new carpet in there tomorrow. Ok, P will take out the old carpet...Mom, Dad, P, and P's mom all are commenting on things I shouldn't be doing. I'll help take out the padding and I'll sit in the floor and pull up the staples. Nothing too exertional for me and Isla.

I made monthiversary onesies yesterday. I downloaded the template from Good Food, Good Friends, Good Life, changed some colors (made some more girly!) and made some other modifications (like instead of 0 months, I have Fresh Out of the Womb). Somehow I managed to not buy 0-3 month onesies (and I'm not buying NB stuff for Isla--my family tends to have big babies!) so I still need to do the smallest ones. Oh, I also made a onesie that says "Mommy & Daddy's Lil' vacation souvenir."

Mom and I went to Carters Friday afternoon and I bought a few things. I also bought a few items for next summer at Macys yesterday--HUGE sale. I have to stop buying clothing, but its so much fun! Isla has a cute little denim skirt (which violates my and A's rule that it doesn't matter what size you are, nothing should be worn that is wider than it is long), a soft pink winter coat, and so many cute sleepers. I should take pictures of some of the clothes and the onesies to post. Maybe I'll do that this afternoon.

Time to get ready for church! More later.

Coming soon.....

Isla Beth H...it's a girl-flavored baby!!!!

She was dancing around through the entire ultrasound. The tech had a hard time getting some of the measurements--she never did get a good picture of the heart so I may have to go back in a few weeks (darn!). Woo Hoo!!!