This is the day...

This is the day I woke up really worried about the pregnancy. I was optimistic Friday, anxious yesterday, and worried today.

This is the day we went to church and Pastor Ron discussed how sin weighs us down. I realized how weighed down I feel by my worry. One of P's favorite Bible verses is Matthew 6:34 "So do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

I'm worried about the tomorrows. I'm weighed down by this.

I'm worried about the what ifs....things that I really have no basis to even be concerned about at this point. What if the ultrasound measurement is reflective of a growth issue? (The measurement was within a range considered normal in light of the accuracy of the test and we have nothing to compare that to at this point.) What if the heart isn't beating properly? (We SAW a heartbeat which is a great sign at this point. It appeared to start beating as we watched it.) What if? What if? What if? Yes, it would have been more reassuring if the tech had measured Sprout to be exactly what we thought and we'd been able to hear a 130 BPM heart beat, but that wasn't the case. The measurements which are supposed to be +-10 days, came back 8 days off what we thought. We saw the heart beat flickering on the screen--sometimes it can't even be detected at this point. The report stated the pregnancy is viable at this point. My worries can bring no more answers.

As I've written before, the sermon a few weeks ago about time being an unopened gift has been very reassuring to me. Psalms 118:24 "This is the day which the Lord has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it." I must replace my worries over the unknown of tomorrow with the focus on what we know today. Worrying about tomorrow does no good, certainly worrying about the next ultrasound in 11 days does no good.

I prayed for a sign during the ultrasound that everything will be fine. Then we saw the heartbeat. Part of me feels like I should trust that as reassurance from God that the pregnancy will work and I feel guilty that I can't trust that feeling. P says that instead I need to accept it as a sign that regardless of what happens, God will be there and things will happen according to His plan. I also know regardless of what happens, P will be there supporting me also.

So after church today, after my ramblings here, I feel better. I have to keep reminding myself of what we know TODAY and remind myself that we can wait until tomorrow to deal with the worries.

I'm sure I'll keep coming back to read this post in the days ahead.