Hormones...

So P and I knew we'd be in for some emotional outbursts with this entire process. Hormones always leave me rather prone to them anyway. How could I not have a few dozen outbursts (a week) while preggers? I don't think either of us were necessarily prepared for such an event at 3 am yesterday. Yep, had to get up for one of my many middle of the sleep cycle bathroom breaks, laid back down and suddenly got overwhelmed.

Earlier we'd been talking about finding out if we’re having Preston or Isla and P commented (yet again) that we could wait to get stuff until after the baby is here. Ok, we've been through this before. Regardless of whether or not we are able to find out if he's a she or she's a he, the nursery WILL be done before the kid is here. As much as possible anyway--I know there will be things we don't think of or need extras of right away, but I'm not planning any post-partum shopping trips. I don't know how I will feel, I don't know if this will be a "good baby" or a baby that cries constantly, I know it's not a great idea taking a freshly birthed baby out in public right away, and it's going to be January, so I'm doubting it's going to be 70 degrees and sunny. I don't know how serious P is about the entire issue or how much he's just trying to tease me b/c he KNOWS that such a plan will.not.work.for.me. But it doesn't matter. At 3:00 yesterday morning, such comments felt like resistance to getting things ready for this little guy or girl. Which feels like resistance to Parenthood. There's a whole long list of things I think I need to do before we even START on the nursery and he's resistant. The list may totally be birthed out of my own neuroses, but hey, I'm the pregnant lady. I get to be neurotic.

So at 03:00, I'm lying in bed, thinking about everything that needs to be done. Thinking about my husband's resistance to doing them. Suddenly, the "WHAT THE HELL WERE WE THINKING????" panic joined in the head-games. P has pretty good sensory perception and he asked what was wrong. The tears started. Not just tears. Bawling. Loud. Messy. Ugly. Crying. P does a good job of calming me down. No, he doesn't mean to be resistant to anything. Whenever I'm ready to start doing anything in the nursery, he's ready. He thought I didn't want to do anything until we find out the sex. He understands that I need to plan and organize things to feel some sense of control and needs to remember that we handle things differently in that regard. He certainly understands the panic over what we're getting ourselves into. He needs to remember that I have that fear too and be more sensitive to how I need to deal with it. All the right things.

Finally, he turns over to go back to sleep. My sensory perception kicks in and I question what's wrong. He says he's just tired. I start bawling again. Its my fault he's tired because I've kept him awake and he has a day full of surgery and he's going to feel like crap because of me.

Oh. And it didn't help that he decided that this was the night the dogs were going to stop sleeping on our bed so periodically, a dog would jump up on the bed and try to get comfy in their usual spot only to have him make them get off. After the crying spell, Bumper jumped up and P gave up.

I ended up taking off half a day yesterday, buying some organizational things for the closet and started getting the closet in our bedroom ready for me to move my stuff out of the baby's room's closet into our room. I packed up another round of clothes that I can't wear again until after the baby is born and put them in the storage room. I also emptied an armoire that was in the baby's room and we moved it downstairs to the new spare bedroom. And I got a pedicure. All in all, a productive, but relaxing afternoon.

P admitted that the dogs were more settled sleeping on the bed than off the bed so they were back in their usually spots last night. And the entire house slept well last night.