Pump no more

Trying to pump 5-6 times a day got to be increasingly difficult so over the past week I've cut back. I also stopped the medication I was on to increase my milk supply. Yesterday I just pumped twice. Today I haven't pumped at all. After all the stress and angst I've had related to breastfeeding and pumping, I wasn't prepared to have such a hard time deciding to stop. (Maybe if she ate better, it wouldn't be so hard. It used to seem like she liked breast milk better than formula but that doesn't seem to be the case anymore.) Nor was I prepared to be sad about stopping. This morning I realized I didn't know it was the last time the last time I tried to actually breastfeed my baby. I couldn't even remember when it was so, for the actual last time, I got out our little nipple shield and tried again this morning. It was probably the best feeding session she's ever done. If she'd latched like that to start with, been that alert, and we'd had that experience 2 months ago, I think breastfeeding would have been an entirely different experience. But she didn't, she wasn't, and it wasn't. Maybe that's why I'm sad.